Where’s the 8 going to land? Will Dale Jr. get into the chase? Michael Vick, oooh. Mark Cuban is Dancing With Stars, oh my goodness. Another gay republican, please hep’ me.

But, sittin’ in those stands, in front of the TV’s, watching all this drama, there’s a bigger (pun intended) Freakin’ issue.

Our ass is fat. Real fat.

Dig this, obesity rates continued to climb in 31 states last year. Mississippi became the first state to crack the 30 percent barrier for adults considered to be bigguns.

Keep’em comin’ honey.

My fellow lil’ Texans took in a top prize with the sixth-highest rate of overweight kiddies ages 10 to 17. Cool, I think sixth place in track and field back in grade school was a pink ribbon. Yesss.

Word is, the U.S. health folk say the latest state ‘biggun’ rankings prove that the red white and blue is in the middle of a public health crisis. Gosh darn Doc Zhivago, go to the mall and you won’t have to pay for the study. The butts-a-waddles are right there at the feedin’ trough.

Me, I say lets start at the dirt tracks and paved ovals across the lower 50 with a “Stop The Fat Trackin” campaign.

Come on, cheesy fries with chili cut right from the lard tree? A 52 ounce Mr. Pibb that could choke a thoroughbred?  Tracks with enough sack to take a blow torch to this artery killing kindling and other triple chin building food bags would start a Freakin’ fatless fad.

Hell, from the tracks, we could go to the pilots.

Dale could start the anti-fat frenzy with a public service commercial sprightly running to a Bristol concession stand to grab a freshly harvested okra kabob. Or, a trim Smoke confidently running to the top of the Vegas Dale Earnhardt Sr. stands to vigorously retort, I am man, hear me roar. My favorite would be a test and tuned Jamie McMurray, in his most precious Richard Simmons Dolphin shorts screaming for a cold carrot sandwich with a smidge of Grey Poupon.

Well, maybe not. Someone pass me the deep fried Snickers and 16 ounce can of dumbsh**.

State-by-state breakdown of obesity rates and rankings.

State – Obesity rate – Ranking

Ala. – 29.4 – 3

Alaska – 25.8 – 16

Ariz. – 21.7 – 43

Ark. – 27.0 – 8

Calif. – 22.7 – 36

Colo. – 17.6 – 51

Conn. – 20.1 – 47

Del. – 23.6 – 29

D.C. – 22.2 – 40

Fla. – 22.9 – 34

Ga. – 26.1 – 14

Hawaii – 20.1 – 47

Idaho – 23.2 – 31

Ill. – 24.4 – 25

Ind. – 26.8 – 9

Iowa – 24.9 – 20

Kan. – 24.3 – 27

Ky. – 27.5 – 7

La. – 28.2 – 4

Maine – 23.0 – 33

Md. – 24.4 – 25

Mass. – 19.8 – 50

Mich. – 26.8 – 9

Minn. – 23.7 – 28

Miss. – 30.6 – 1

Mo. – 26.3 – 12

Mont. – 20.7 – 45

Neb. – 25.4 – 18

Nev. – 22.5 – 37

N.H. – 22.4 – 38

N.J. – 22.2 – 40

N.M. – 22.0 – 42

N.Y. – 22.4 – 38

N.C. – 25.6 – 17

N.D. – 25.1 – 19

Ohio – 26.0 – 15

Okla. – 26.8 – 9

Ore. – 23.3 – 30

Pa. – 24.5 – 23

R.I. – 20.5 – 46

S.C. – 27.8 – 5

S.D. – 24.9 – 20

Tenn. – 27.8 – 5

Texas – 26.3 – 12

Utah – 21.1 – 44

Vt. – 20.0 – 49

Va. – 24.5 – 23

Wash. – 23.2 – 31

W.Va. – 29.8 – 2

Wis. – 24.8 – 22

Wyo. – 22.8 – 35