Ralph Schumacher Will Never Win another Formula 1 Race.

Hey Freaks, I know, that’s steppin’ out baby. I love Sports Books.

Ralphy, the second coming of Richard Simmons on rubber not winning another Formula 1 race?  500 to 1.  Hell, he couldn’t beat himself to sleep if he was sponsored by Lunesta.  Leg-warmer-wearin’ Schumacher makes Napolean Dynamite look like Ivan "The Ironman" Stewart.

Ralph’s a Freakin’ LOSER!

If you have a Pre-K education, you can tell ‘ol Sarge is NOT a fan of the Slick-50 from Germany. 

Ralph is snake oil.

Hey man, it’s open season for the world famous motorsports series that 43 people care about in the lower 50.  Two of those fans have Neilson boxes and it only registers the Formula 1 race because it was locked on SpeedFreaks on SPEED a few hours before…shiii, man.

Ralphy is the epitome of the series. Arrogance, the size of Trump’s bankruptcies.  The racing?  If you’re vested in No-Doz, Inc., you’ve seen a race or you manage sleep deprivation nicely during the B-grade West Hollywood Parade on wheels.

Man, at least my brothers in thongs on Santa Monica Boulevard will run with or without Bridgestones.

Look Freak Nation, I’ve seen the "world’s most technologically advanced motorsports series and pilots" first hand.  And yes, it is like the first time you walked in on your mom and dad during some happy-hoochie.  Man, is that really happening? That’s unfreakinbelievable!

Follow this, how many times do you rent the same adult video in your hotel room (some of THOSE pilots have better chops than ANY Formula 1 school boy)?  How many times do you look at the colors of your M&M’s before you snarl’em?  Right, 43 of you. It gets old.

Ralphy is the ringleader of the metric-ringed, supercilious (wow!) circus which makes it even easier for me to back up the Tonka for good ‘ol fashioned colon cleanse.

BTW – Ever seen the host of those bowel cleaner commercials? Now that dude can drive!

Ralpy can take his 20-million-a-year-for-no-wins-in-a-lifetime-sex-shop-owning-punk-a** out of the race and not one NRA, NCAA, NAACP, AFL-CIO, UCLA, FBI, AFI card carrying member will give two Nancy’s.

That's what I Freakin' think. 

You? 

Email @ kennys@speedfreaks.tv or call me in the Freaks' office at 86-69FREAKS.