Man, you gotta dig what’s been coming out of the motorsports pipes the last several days. From little Mikey Waltrip’s rumblin’ stumblin’ to the F1 Fetish Fantasy League to NASCAR’s bitchin’ strong arm to Petty losing some big time coin.

Waltrip’s Last Stand

Look, Waltrip copping to jacking the Roush-Fenway sway-bar is a fat Freakin’ cherry in the 16 ounce can of “duh” he’s been sippin’ as a Toyota team owner and driver. This after he was caught dippin’ his carburetor’s wick in some jet fuel prior to the Daytona 500.

Then, adding insult to Toyota’s injuries, how about the teams petition to NASCAR to allow Michael Waltrip Racing to swap owners' points between the No. 44 and No. 00 Toyota's? Denied.

Good for you NASCAR, good for you.

Word to your mother, look for Ganassi and Penske to make a break for Toyota in 2009. I know the ink’s still fresh on their latest manufacturer contract but MWR blows and it was these two big-timers who worked with and WON with Toyota in open-wheel.

Formula One’s Whorehouse

How about the latest news coming out of one of my least favorite motorsports series, Formula One? Dude, allegedly Max Mosley, the prez of the FIA and Formula One's governing body, dropped some phat madness with a number of prostitutes while going Hitler on their bums.

Yessss!

Word is Mosley, 67 years old and still wanting to romp open wheel style, took part in a hardcore orgy while role-playing as a Nazi with five fine honey$.

Not that I’m against rollin’ with some “high coin” caller cuz even the nastiest cats need a friendly, financed reach around. However, couldn’t the arrogant Neanderthal have pretended to be, maybe, uh, a slugger swinging “D” legend like John Holmes or Ron Jeremy?

That’s right, damn, I got all caught up in his manhood. Max governs Formula One and that takes a dress and a high heel to manage. Real men need not apply.

My initial question was, where’s Ralph(sic) Schumacher in all this? He had to be a tag-teamer with uncle Max. As you may remember, Ralph delved into adult toys and is allegedly just as ignorant.

Speaking of heel.

It’s A Pity Petty

What about the bomb that blew up in the Richard Petty camp and the General Mills money tree that landed in the Richard Childress Racing vineyard?

Yep, for only the second time since 1972, Petty Enterprises is looking for some big time cake to bankroll its No. 43. General Mills has taken its toy$ and straight lined to Richard Childress Racing beginning in 2009.

What’s even bigger is 2000 Cup Champ Bobby Labonte, the current pilot of the 4 and the 3, will probably follow Mills and the money to Childress. However, larger than the Mills moneybags, Labonte’s past champion belt buckle that will get the new Childress number 33 car into six races.

I can’t blame The King and His Kourt for searching for some outside business bank to come in and fatten up the Petty Enterprises retirement account. (see Roush-Fenway or Gillette-Evernham)

Freakin’ Trivia: When was the last time the number 43 won a race with General Mills sponsorship? Uh, exactly.

Hey, did I tell you the story of Big Daddy Don Garlits making his way back into the Mopar Nation?

It’s happening and it’s going through the Freak Nation.

More, later.

That's what I Freakin' think.
At least for now.

You?

Shoot me an email @ kennys@speedfreaks.tv or give me a holler at the office 818-995-9159.