What do the Sex Pistols, Motorhead, Howlin' Wolf, Leo Sayer, Nine Inch Nails, Grand Master Flash, and Carl Perkins have in common?  The names all contain vowels and consonants. 

But, what if the Sarge got funky, futuristic and smoked out a fat Cubanito Cohiba, put a Freak spin on some of the biggest names in music and turned motorsports stars into some gitfiddle, mic-mixing, head-banging, techno-tapping musicians?

Don’t let the smoke get in your eyes.

Sex Pistols…Smokey Yunick

Motorhead…Mad Mike Jones

Howlin’ Wolf…Windell Scott

Leo Sayer…Ralf Schumacher

Nine Inch Nails…Robbie Gordon

Grand Master Flash…John “Furious Five” Force

Carl Perkins…Richard Petty

And on the 8th day, there could have been a meeting between Smokey Yunick, the world’s most famous mechanic, and arguably the most argumentative singing punk, Johnny Rotten.  After the sit down and some gut rot, Yunick would be Sid Vicious, minus the hat.

Not far off the lines of Sex Pistols, Motorhead invented speed metal. But the great thing about Motorhead is that they appealed to both punks and head-banging metalheads.  The same way Mad Mike Jones appeals to ADD ridden punks to PTA abiding parents who need an arena barnstorming babysitter  on any given weekend.  I wouldn’t be lying if my parents didn’t dump me off a time or two at Reunion Arena or Moody Coliseum to see the mighty Judas Priest or Molly Hatchet for the same reason. Hey, Dad needed to tangle’up with mom every now and then without my ‘I want a black cherry soda’ wining ass around.  Mad Mike is Lemmy Kilmister of M’Head and Lemmy was a great babysitter too!

I never met the Wolf or the Scott but I have heard Howlin’s (AKA Chester Burnett) Smokestack Lightnin’ and the righteous riffs from ’56.  I can only imagine if Scott had bucked ‘some’ NASCAR rules at the time while running his Grand National rig in Jacksonville, he would have morphed into this former WWII vet.  Can’t you see it now, Scott singing Wang-Dang-Doodle just as he bump and runs by Lee Petty in Daytona?

Leo Sayer.  Probably the ‘happiest’ sum-bitch I have ever heard.  That damn song You Make Me Feel Like Dancing sits right up there with Debbie Boone’s You Light Up My Life and Captain & Tennille’s Muskrat Love.  Shit.  No more explanation needed. I’m pissed just thinking about it. Ralfy boy IS Leo.

Visions of Robbie Gordon skipping from rock to rock in the 1000 to his love tap on the number 24 a couple of years for the win, gives new meaning to some NIN lyrics.  If Trent Rezner was to blow out a Niño, Robbie would be the chosen one.  Sometimes, Robbie is driving on a 2-miler as if he were in the lower-end of Baja.  I say to that, so what. Hell, its racing and his CD player is stuck on Head Like A Hole.

Force IS the Furious Five of Grand Master Flash.  “Cutting” and “Scratching” beyond his years.  Go to the 12-timer’s pits and you’ll swear that he lays off a line from The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel.  I mean, who else could combine samples from Blondie, Chic, Queen, Spoonie Gee, Sequence and the Sugarhill Gang?  You got it, the Furious Force!

Perkins and his blue shoes.  Petty and his sunglasses.  Come on, you can’t tell me Petty was not the kindred spirit of Carl Perkins.  Even the titles of some of Blue Suede’s albums reek with Petty such as Whole Lotta Shakin', Country Boy's Dream, Brown-Eyed Handsome Man, Rock N' Gospel, Country Soul, Cane Creek Glory Church and Go, Cat, Go.  You put Richard in the Bird and Perkins’ riffs are the soundtrack to the Level Crosser’s life.