Say bartender, serve me up a cold and cantankerous Molotov, I’m going in un-manned.

Godd**m Goodyears. A ten lap Texas take down in Indy where the only winners are the bowel boxes.

Come on, the Cup’ers run for ten laps of the “All-lose 400”, NASCAR throws the yellow, you go grab another 40(oz) and you’re back in the seat to catch the green to go. Ten laps later you’re right back at the tee-tee trough.

I bet Speedway, Indiana breathalyzers were big on beer halitosis after the “All-booze 400”…

What makes this so freakin’ and eerily familiar to many NASCAR fans like myself, we have experienced such racing coitus interruptous many times in our personal lives.

I know, beers and boobies, here Sargent goes again. But don’t let these drivers fool you, like the Sarge, cut right through all the muck and malaise of racing, it’s all about the salivating sleeve. Think about it…

I’ll serve it up like southern league slow pitch. You and your bed pal are about to roll one in the sheets and before you know it, BAAM, your partner drops in a, hey I’ve got to go empty the belly bladder. Or maybe, junior cracks out a cry for some of mama’s nector.
Caution flag.

NOW you see it, don’t ya?

Sunday’s little rubber match of the gluttonous Goodyears was just that. Goodyear rubber continued to run interference on the hot box that we were about to ATM.

Yea, just as we are about to deep think on the Seattle Sonics (think the movie Singles) and dive right on in on some long green flag racing, some wise ass jumps in to prevent the big bang, the loud love, the ding-ding-a-ding-a-dong-dong-dong-dong.

Goodyear guilty as charge. NASCAR, an accomplice.

The ten lap competition cautions made us all realize, no matter how much we may bitch about it, long runs on the track are good. Short mindless spurts are bad. Yes, another metaphor for a little (or a lot) of lumberjacking in the sack with your bed time boomer.

Now, NASCAR has apologized for such a mistake and firmly stated they will refrain from such heinous c**kblocking to stock car fans ever again.

Should we believe the body of sanctioning for the Sprint Cup series and the rubber-wear down? Geez, it’s not up to us to believ’em.

It WILL be up to us to drop another red flag on NASCAR (insert another metaphor here Sarge) if we hear footsteps again as we are about to enjoy another possible pleasure bomb.

That’s what I Freakin’ think. Really, I do. You? Shoot me an email @ kennys@speedfreaks.tv, fire off a Freakin’ text to 25827 (CLUBS) and send the word FREAK and your message. You can also dial of the Sarge on the Freak phone at 86-69-FREAKS.